I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
