He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
