did you get engaged???
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
