My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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