But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize