Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
