I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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