I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
