Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
