Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
