Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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