When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
