taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
