She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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