She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
