Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We're too hungover to prance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
