I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
