No I am not eating basil off your cock
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
