I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
