You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
