Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
