Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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