How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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