no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
