I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize