I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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