just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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