dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
