you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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