I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
