I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize