ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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