Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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