I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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