I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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