dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
