Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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