My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
