i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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