The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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