As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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