sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
