Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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