Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
