Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
