i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
