he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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