Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
