Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
did you just send me my own nude
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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