What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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