Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
