Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
