Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
