I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
