i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
