i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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