dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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