Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
