Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
