threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
