If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
