He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
