my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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