Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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