i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
