But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
