and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
