it glows. i had to have it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
