I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
