the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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