is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
