She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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