Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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