My friends, they love my intelligence
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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